So my friends and I are playing trivia at the bar, and we decide to watch a shitty movie afterwards. Thanks to the magic of Netflix Watch Instantly, we come across this “gem.” Ugh. This movie made me both sad that I no longer do Zombie-Thon and happy that I no longer do Zombie-Thon. If that makes any sense.

It stars C. Thomas Howell and a bunch of people you have never heard of and never WILL hear of, as a bunch of cops and criminals forced to band together after a solar flare turns most of the world’s population into horny, bloodthirsty, mutant vampire zombies…or whatever. It’s bad. Not fun bad. Just bad bad. It has absolutely nothing new to offer the genre – it’s just a collection of scenes that you have seen done better in numerous other movies. Oh, I take it back – it has ONE new idea – that the solar flare has also rendered gasoline incombustible, thus making vehicles useless. Huh?

I could write more about the movie, but what’s the point? For one thing, I’m not sure how much of it I could actually recall, as a sane human brain actually goes into a sort of defensive mode when face with this film, actively erasing your knowledge of the film WHILE you watch it. Let’s just say this is on the VERY low-rung of the zombie film genre…and anyone who has sat through enough of these movies knows that is a very dire assessment, indeed.

I find it fascinating that people still even know who C. Thomas Howell is. The guy has such a depressing filmography. From 1983 to 1986, he was doing pretty good, with stuff like The Outsiders, Red Dawn, Soul Man and The Hitcher. But since then it’s just been unending decline into straight-to-video obscurity. Sometimes guys like him enjoy little mini-comebacks at a certain point, moving on to steady television work or self-deprecating cameos in high-profile projects. Not Howell. With the possible exception of his part in 1993’s Gettysburg, the guy hasn’t been relevant one bit since 1986. He actually has a part in the upcoming Spider-man reboot, so maybe that will start a reversal of his fortunes. I hope so. I don’t want to have to feel bad for him anymore.. But, then again, he made Mutant Vampire Zombies from the Hood, so fuck him.

A version of this review originally ran on March 9th, 2011 at Trevor Likes Movies.

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